A possible breakthrough in the Bin-Laden search has been made by way of following the guy whose been delivering his numerous video recordings. When top CIA executive Dickey Thump was asked why this tactic was never used before, Mr. Thump responded, “the delivery guy just seemed so nice it was hard to believe that he was actually evil.” When pressed further Mr. Thump confessed, “we did begin to notice a pattern after Akbin delivered the sixth or seventh tape, that every time he delivered something it was from a terrorist, but that still wasn’t much to go on.” But it was precisely this crucial information that led Mr. Thump and his department to follow Akbin Bin-bin (a twenty-one year-old employee of G. Had’s Delivery Services) after his most recent drop. Although Mr. Bin-bin has yet to lead the department directly to Mr. Laden himself, he has lead the department to several caves stocked with weapons, drugs, slaves, and festively decorated walls covered with cute pictures of important buildings in the United States and Europe. Nevertheless, Mr. Thump is reluctant to make a direct connection between these caves and actual terrorist lairs: “You know, the boys and I all agree that these caves are really comfy, and the interior decorating is second to none. We can’t see how crazy terrorist bastards could possibly have the sensitive touch required to create such soothing environments.” Mr. Thump’s associate Barny Rumble agreed: “The feng shui in here is really good. I feel like I could stay here for a really, really long time and never be found.”

Receiving Me? will keep readers apprised of any further developments in this late breaking story.