Citizen’s Bank Field, Philadelphia PA – Like all great plans, this was a simple one, requiring only eight consecutive seats, two quarts of body paint, and eight men with a dream.  They didn’t go into this ignorant and brave, this was no charge of the light brigade, questions were asked and doubts voiced.  Was the weather less than ideal? Were the seats perhaps too remote? Does slathering your fraternity brother’s rippling torso with body paint make you gay?  But true courage is forged in the furnace of doubt and fear, and the eight emerged as unit, welded together in singularity of purpose. 

So it was with high spirits that they entered the arena.  Each torso bared, brick red, and emblazoned with a single letter, so that when properly arranged they would spell PHILLIES.  But god, as ever, punishes hubris. The temperature began to drop precipitously, and a fine mist began to fall, not so heavy as to stop the game, but just enough to lead to a gradual soaking and bone deep chilling of anyone not wearing a shirt.  But they were committed now, no man would let his brother fall, and more no man among them would fail his brothers.  They mocked the heavens and jeered the mist, it was not until the reached there seats that they began to feel the full weight of the task ahead. 

Four terraces high they climbed.  16 rows of seats they struggled past, until at last the stairs ended.  These were their seats, but they did not dismay.  With dignity they ordered themselves, not even despairing upon the discovery of a superfluous I and a missing L.  Arrayed in full glory they stood, backs to the stadium wall, and surely had it been a day game they would have made it, but alas they were buried in the shade of a canopy invisible to all but their nearest neighbors.

Even as hope was lost they struggled on.  They went to the concession stand and restrooms collectively.  They shouted, they clapped rhythmically, and attempted a wave.  But alas when they flexed the “muscle cam” ignored them and when they kissed the “kiss cam” avoided them, and in the end, cold, wet and despondent they returned home broken, cynical, and covered in paint.  Final score Phillies 8, Nationals 4