It was a hard fought election, but before the fake ballots were even counted, Barack Obama was declared the first African American Editor and Chief of Receiving Me?. Experts agree that Editor and Chief Elect Obama benefited from not knowing or even caring about the election results. “Unlike his opponents, who made jackasses out of themselves, Obama stayed above the fray”, said political commentator Ialsodo Tempwork.

Editor and Chief Elect Obama issued a brief statement written by someone else shortly after receiving word of his victory: “I am grateful, I think, for this honor, maybe. However, this is not really an honor. Can we please go back to talking about how good a speaker I am.” The press was moved to tears.

More shocking than Obama’s landslide victory in an election in which he didn’t even know he was participating, was Ralph Nader’s sound victory in Florida. Apparently, Mr. Nader who had been campaigning exclusively in Florida in an attempt to “ruin the recent presidential election results” for reasons of “there really are none”, unknowingly was placed on the Receiving Me? Florida ballots in an unusual show of cooperation between Floridian Republicans and Democrats who both “hate him with a fiery passion and wish he would burn in Hell.” According to a spokesperson for the bipartisan group Nater’s Haters, the group’s constituents could think of no greater punishment for the man than to force him to run a fake magazine with as many redeeming values as the article you’re reading now. Unfortunately for the Haters, Nader has been stating that the win in Florida represents “America’s desire to free herself from corporate greed.” The Haters point out that this sounds suspiciously like his last three campaigns for the presidency where he claimed that a vote for him represented “America’s desire to free herself from corporate greed.” Editors Note: After extensive research Receiving Me? found no actual similarities in these statements.

Other results were less shocking: Uber-Conservative/Nazi, Freeman Frohlich took Texas, which surprised no one, Leslie Fox took Alaska because he was the strongest female in the field, and Bernard Bygott carried “that part of the map that is always included with Alaska.” (Obama is demanding a recount of the area, protesting that Bygott could not have won a state in which Obama may or may not have been born.) Editor’s Note: Receiving Me? had no idea Nigeria had joined the union. Finally, Pates Baroni, while running an excellent campaign, was unable to gain a majority vote in any one state. Analysis suggests that voters were swayed by Fox’s negative campaign ads that suggested Baroni was a Morlock.

When asked whether he was planning on moving Receiving Me? in a new direction, Obama replied, “To what direction could you possibly be referring?” The reporter was moved to tears. Obama explained the joke- it was very moving.

Obama’s First Editor’s Note: The guy that wrote this is probably just emotionally handicapped by the Bush Tax cuts and the war in Iraq. Give him some time. Things will get better for him as soon as someone who can string together a coherent thought is put in the White House. If not, then he’s probably just hopeless. The important thing to remember, however, is that there is just no possible way that you are not getting a beautiful warm and fuzzy feeling all over right now…. I can hear those sniffles… just let it out… let it out… that’s right… Want to know my secret?… come close and I’ll tell you… a little closer… you’re entirely safe here… just close your eyes and relax… now take a deep, deep relaxing breath and sigh out while saying these words… “life without Bush”…. “life without Bush”… “life without Bush”, feels good, huh? Now just let it all out… good… let it all out… good…