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Turkey Pardons Bush

Nov 26th, 2008 | By Bernard Bygott | Category: News

Turkey claims Bush is nice guyWashington, DC - President Harry Truman was the first US president to pardon a Thanksgiving turkey. Both scrupulous and unscrupulous turkeys alike have been pardoned ever since… until now. With President Bush’s approval rating dipping bellow the approval rating of “Pumpkin” (this year’s turkey chosen for pardon), officials in the White House have decided to modify the tradition and have the turkey pardon Bush. Bush’s harshest critics (i.e. everyone) are up in arms over what they describe as a sinister PR move that aims to capitalize on human inability to discern Pumpkin’s true opinion of the controversial president. Members of the activist group moveon.org posted their thoughts online claiming that, “There is no evidence to support the theory that Pumpkin supports the war in Iraq or evil. It is more likely that Pumpkin actually is a pumpkin.” However, Press Secretary, Dana Perino, issued a statement claiming that the President and Pumpkin had a long meeting in which it was firmly established that the two share many things in common including illiteracy and silly grins. “It logically follows that Pumpkin is a Republican,” said Ms. Perino. Leaders in the Democratic party were unsure how to respond to the claim, knowing full well that distancing themselves from illiterate Americans would marginalize their base, while admitting that nobody likes silly grins. Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid (D-Nev), acknowledged “Ms. Perino’s statements were among the shrewdest I’ve heard in the political arena… we may just have to admit defeat for a little while, at least until people forget our admission, or, better yet, until the president is pardoned by Santa Claus, whichever comes first.”

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About The Author: Bernard Bygott

A domestic shorthair with a luminous grey mane who is loving and affectionate, personable and sweet. Already de-clawed and neutered, he does suffer from several conditions, such as a heart murmur, chronic uveitis (inflammation of the middle layer of the eye), tumors in both ears, and possibly a hyperthyroid-- all reliable diagnoses he gleaned from CatWebMD.com.

82 comments
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    Quite funny Post. George Bush looks nice with a Turkey. Nice Post. All about having a turkey on Thanksgiving is a tradition. Thanks for this wonderful post. It was very nice.

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    Turkeys are classed in the taxonomic order of galliformes. Within this order they are relatives of the grouse family or subfamily. Males of both species have a distinctive fleshy wattle or protuberance that hangs from the top of the beak called a snood in the wild turkey and its domestic descendants. Thanks a lot.

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  12. datingNo Gravatar November 4th, 2011 4:05 am :

    In the modern genus meleagris, a considerable number of species have been described, as turkey fossils are robust and fairly often found, and turkeys show great variation among individuals. Many of these supposed fossilized species are now considered junior synonyms. Thanks.

  13. HGH EnergizerNo Gravatar November 6th, 2011 11:26 pm :

    The framers of the Constitution also saw a presidential pardon as being useful during war and rebellion, when a pardon could induce rebels to reconcile. As noted by Alexander Hamilton, an offer of a pardon “to the insurgents or rebels may restore the tranquility of the commonwealth. Thanks a lot.
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