Accurate NFL Picks (updated)
Jan 2nd, 2009 | By Bernard Bygott | Category: Athletic Support
Las Vegas, NEVADA - This time of year, many men, and even a few testosterone soaked women, place their trust and piggy banks in the hands of online sports handicappers. Unfortunately, a significant majority of these so-called “betting experts” are far better at handicapping savings accounts than they are at projecting football winners. That people continue to trust the opinions of these heartless thieves is either a testament to societies’ general belief in the decency of strangers, or a testament to societies’ uncompromising gullibility. With precisely this dynamic in mind, RM? issues its 100 percent accurate (yet completely contradictory) 2009 NFL Playoff Picks. Please bet your life savings on these prophesies.
Leslie would like to point out that he is a “football God”.
Bernard would like to point out that he isn’t.
Col. Frohlich was sober while making these predictions. Trust him anyway.
Wow! My picks have been perfect so far… for losing.
Can we have a do over? I forgot to base my picks in reality.
I’d like to thank Jake Delhomme for costing me the $25,000 prize Bernard put up for this event. This is almost as crushing a gambling blow as the time the damn Tuck Rule game cost me two cases of beer.
In positive news, Les’ Super Bowl winner is the only left standing. Hooray!
@freeman: Yeah, but your picks were kind of awesomely accurate (’till the Delhomme debacle).
I think we can all draw comfort from the fact that only a complete nincompoop with no understanding of football could’ve picked this bracket perfectly. It’s too bad Pates didn’t enter a bracket (rim-shot).
Does anyone else feel that the whole event is sullied by the participation of the Arizona Cardinals? It’s not just the franchise’s long and storied history of stinkage, it’s more that they seemed to be upholding that proud tradition right until the start of the post season, at which point they decided to play well. That’s all fine and dandy for socialized sports like Hockey, but this is football, you’re supposed to try in the regular season.