Major League Baseball commissioner, Bud Selig, has made a good decision; it’s about time. As of 2010, the MLB Hall of Fame class will include any former players who participated in the game between 1992 and 2006 who have yet to have tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. While the decision is controversial with druggies and blasphemists, it is quite popular with people who care about sports. The only practical question that remains is what actions will be taken if a player admitted under the new policy is eventually found guilty of cheating. Theories abound. One particularly fine proposal has the guilty player publicly beaten with a baseball bat wielded by another steroid abuser until “steroid strength is thwarted by screams of pain or death.” In step two, the disgraced player’s Hall of Fame plaque is chopped into bite sized portions and fed to him, or, in the case of death, surviving members of his family. Some critics describe this proposal as “overtly subtle”, but proponents argue the effectiveness of the “gentle touch”.

A partial list of players ineligible for the Hall of Fame under Selig’s new policy is quickly circulating the net. (feel free to add additional names in the comments section!- as always, names like “Ben D. Rules” get you bonus points!)

Receiving Me? is proud to report that no staff member has yet to make the list (though not for lack of trying).