Save Will Smith From Tom Cruise
Apr 9th, 2008 | By Brett Harsch | Category: Athletic Support
Athletic Support would like to take a break from misinforming you about basketball and baseball and talk to you for a moment about an ongoing crisis in this country. Athletic Support hates two things, intolerance of others and Scientology. And even though we have always felt this way, we feel those crazy “alien souls trapped in a volcano” believing bastards have finally gone too far. We can no longer in good conscience sit by silently and watch this tragedy unfold. According to this (reliable source #1) and this (reliable source #2), they have decided to target for conversion our greatest national treasure: Will Smith. You read that right, Will Freaking Smith! Seriously, they need to stay away from my boy, that’s the Fresh Prince we’re talking about here.
Will, listen if there’s any sane part of you left, please, stop. Just stop. I know you said, “parents just don’t understand”, but this is Athletic Support we’re talking about here, now we just don’t understand. We’ve tried, but we really don’t. You’re too good for this, and it’s really tearing us up inside to watch this happen.
So, gentle readers, I’m asking for your help. Assuming Will is too far gone to be saved by my plea, please sign the below petition. Perhaps the sound of all of our voices ringing out together will be enough to bring him back from the dark side. Together, we can save him from Cruise and the rest of the crazies. Thank you and God speed.
I think scientology is as crazy as the next non-scientologist, but it might actually help Will, I mean look what it did for John Travolta.
It’s one thing to be brought up in a religion and feel psychologically tied to it, but doesn’t it take a special brand of stupidity to get suckered into one as an independent adult? I fear that if Mr. Smith is indeed in danger of succumbing, then he is likely missing a lobe.
I hereby sign in blood.