Au Revoir Fair Safety
Feb 28th, 2009 | By Leslie Fox | Category: News
People of Philadelphia, now is our time for mourning. Bring forth ash that we may taste the cinder of our hopes and dreams, uncoil the lash that we might dull our existential anguish with floggings, and weep until your eyes, reddened and burning, run dry. Yes, weep; for the oceans of our discontent cannot be contained by mere flesh. Our safety, our last line of defense, has left us for greener pastures. Never again will Weapon X dash from the tunnel and unleash his maddened howl in animal declaration of his intent to protect the Eagles end zone. Now Denver has the privilege of bearing weekly witness to his mutant frenzy. All that remains are our memories and Quentin Demps; gossamer and gruel are no substitute for rare red meat.
Farewell Mr. Dawkins. I wish you health and success in the twilight of your career. I only regret that the Eagles management, in their typically myopic way, couldn’t find it within themselves to allow you to finish your career in green.
