Some Place Way too Expensive for Any of Us, Hollywood - In a stunning development, John Mayer is reportedly pregnant with Brad Pitt’s child. As of press time, Jennifer Aniston (former lover of Pitt and current lover of Mayer) could not be reached for comment. However, a source close to Aniston claims that the star believes that the child could still be hers. Scientists are skeptical, stating that it is biologically impossible for a woman to impregnate a man. Esteemed fake Dr., Dr. Phil issued a statement because nobody asked his opinion: “Yer tellin’ me Jennifer Aniston has a penis?! Well, hot diggity! Now I’m in love!” An anonymous doctor with a medical license also weighed in:

A man as virile as Pitt, seems to be the most viable option. My colleague, Dr. Mia Lusty, who is also a real doctor, claims to have been impregnated by Pitt just from watching him in Meet Joe Black. And this is not the only report of such an incident. Furthermore, I too am in love with Jennifer and her penis!

No matter the total insanity that will surely ensue surounding this remarkable event, one thing is for certain: Mayer will be an even more beautiful pregnant man than the First Man of Pregnancy, esteemed Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger. And for that, Mayer, Aniston, and Pitt can all be extremely proud (at least for the time being).

Yes, but now it’s a man’s right to choose, so…

Hey, I still go home to Jennifer Aniston! And yes, yes she does.