A while back I wrote a rather long piece focusing on the ills of our society and my mediocre-minded methods to change them. These were paired down into three separate articles, two of which were posted. The third remained locked in a dank cellar subsisting on the literary refuse of other writers. That is until today when, under duress, the editor in chief posted the placenta of my firstborn articles. The shame. My memory of a once adequate article was shattered and I was left staring at a cold, lifeless grouping of words. To make matters worse, the beginning had been altered to make it a stand-alone piece. Before I could delete it, this Frankenstein revealed a horror no budding blogger wants to face: writing intended to sound like your own. Everyone enjoys his or her own drivel, and that’s how it should stay. To read another’s take on my writing style and sense of humor gave this author a reflection of what the readership hears when my work is read. Am I really that abrasive? Do I offend so deeply? I always fancied my literary self to be more of a scalpel than a sledgehammer. That mirror should be broken, bagged and dropped in a river. So without further ado….

Dear readers, I realize that at times I can be abrasive and demeaning. Well, from this day on consider me a changed Pates. You see I‘ve been reading more of “Feeling Good,” Dr. Burns’ book on not feeling bad, and apparently meanness is counter-productive. In other words, when I playfully pointed out that your ankles have the same diameter as your calves and that both have the texture and appearance of cottage cheese I was not being helpful. Who knew? The only way to reconcile this revelation and my long-standing hatred of fat people is to be gentle as a kitten when referring to your waistline. Otherwise I may never escape from the scourge of your fatness. So, in the spirit of kindness, here are a few pointers that can help you reach your own weight control goals whatever they may be, provided that they are significantly lower than your currant weight, you disgusting pig. Whoops, this positive affirmation is tougher than it looks.

All to often people begin the talk about trimming inches from your gut by taking items off your plate. I have found that to be ineffective in my own life, so instead I will suggest things for your diet that I am adding to mine. These foods help give me a sense of being full because they add what my body is trying in vain to find in all of those delicious treats from the Wawa test kitchen. Therefore, many of the foods I will discuss are not intended to shed pounds, but work to support your system in a holistic manner. I really feel that this is the only way to regiment your eating habits because god knows if I’m hungry in the middle of the night I’m reaching for a doughnut, not boiled Quinoa. There is another aspect to the foods I advocate, and that is preparation. Some are going to be quick and easy, some will not. I’ll share my favorite tasty treats with you with along with advice on the hardware you’ll need for the task. No it’s not necessary for you to run out and get the chef’s knife recommended by a plethora of culinary giants to cut your collard greens, but incase you are interested it’ll be there. So let’s begin with a simple breakfast beverage I read about today at www.brainready.com that seems like a tasty treat.

The article talks about some of the most commonly known “good for you” foods and touches on why they are so. But what caught my eye was the Aztec inspired recipe for 100% organic non-alkalized cocoa powder mixed with espresso, cinnamon and cayenne pepper. I’m guessing that you’ll be getting your espresso from Starbucks just like me, but if you’re interested in a super awesome espresso machine for home usage I would go with either the semi-automatic Rancilio Silvia Espresso Machine for around $600 or the Elektra Micro Casa a Leva for about $1100. Why do I suggest these machines? Because it’s 3am and for the past four hours I’ve been delving into the dark arts of espresso making. Call it an obsession, call it a passion, these people love their tiny cups of java. I recommend you take a peak at the gritty reality of an espresso fetish in the following youtube clip: www.youtube.com

Let me note that this was submitted by the fellow who runs www.coffeegeek.com which is chock full of more coffee information than anyone would ever need to know. As a supplement, he recommends www.math.columbia.edu for more detailed information on espresso grinders and hand operated tools.

Just a quick nod to Leslie Fox of Subcranial Cavern and ReceivingMe? fame: Leslie recommends adding a bit of cardamom to the beans when grinding. Try giving that a shot to punch up your brew. As a side note I’d stick with a French press for American style coffee because it’s under $15 at Ikea and much tastier than drip. Also worth noting, milk proteins called caseins supposedly counteract the antioxidants in coffee so try to avoid cappuccinos.

So why spend so much time talking about coffee in a column dedicated to weight loss? I could rant about the benefits that caffeine has on exercise, or the appetite suppressant qualities, or even the anti-oxidant cancer fighting cafestol and kahweol and anti-Alzheimer’s caffeine brain boost etc… but I’m going to let you do your own research and stick to the principle that it’s easier to get some exercise when you’re out of bed, and a nice shot of espresso laden with healthy additives is something to get you up and keep you going.

On that note, I bid the loyal readership adieu and face that weekly struggle to practice what I preach.