Al-Qaeda Unveils Plans for Amusement Park on Pakistan-Afghan Border
May 2nd, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: News
Islamabad, Pakistan (May 2) In an attempt to rekindle interest in destroying the U.S., Dr. Ayman al-Zawahiri unveiled plans today for Martyr Kingdom, the largest theme park ever constructed by a single terrorist network. Al-Qaeda is also in negotiations for the rights to the Hammas children’s puppet show series called the Exceptionals.
“The terms of the negotiation keep changing because the characters keep dying” said a spokesman for Martyr Kingdom. For those not familiar with the Exceptionals, the following is a Reuter’s piece from Tuesday April 1 2008:
Hamas TV puppet “kills” Bush for helping Israel
GAZA (Reuters) - Brandishing “the sword of Islam”, a Palestinian boy stabbed President George W. Bush to death in a new puppet show for children aired by Hamas-owned television in the Gaza Strip.
“You are a criminal, Bush, a despicable man. You made me an orphan. You deprived me of everything,” said the hand-held puppet, representing a child and accusing the U.S. president of killing his family in Iraq and in Gaza in collusion with Israel.
The program was broadcast on Hamas’s al-Aqsa television, which has used puppets and cartoon characters in the past to illustrate the Islamist movement’s battle against Israel and opposition to U.S. support for the Jewish state.
No one was available at the station to comment on the show.
“I must take my revenge with the sword of Islam,” the puppet-child said, stabbing the Bush puppet several times in the chest and ignoring pleas of “I repent, just don’t kill me” — and an invitation to a toy-filled White House.
“I killed him,” the puppet said, accusing Bush of being “impure” and vowing the White House would be turned into a mosque.
Last year, al-Aqsa television aired a program starring a Mickey Mouse clone, Farfur, who urged children to fight Israel in the name of Islam. Farfur was killed off, on-air, by an actor posing as an Israeli security agent.
Hamas, which controls the Gaza Strip, is shunned by the United States over its refusal to recognize Israel, renounce violence and accept existing interim Israeli-Palestinian peace deals.
The group has accused the United States of backing Israeli military action in the Gaza Strip, attacks against militants that have at times caused civilian casualties.
(Writing by Nidal al-Mughrabi, Editing by Sami Aboudi)
© Thomson Reuters 2008 All rights reserved
“Our construction teams are ready to break ground this week” said Dr. al-Zawahiri as he ate a snow cone. “This is a great way to get youth involved, first as ticket salesmen, then at the concession stands, and finally blowing themselves up all over the world. With rides like Infidel Mountain, 72 Virgin Jamboree, and the tea cups… my favorite is the tea cups, I think we’ll radicalize children of all ages.”
Initially there was some concern over such a large institution in plain US sight, but that all changed this week. In an annual terrorism report, the U.S. state department made the case that President Musharraf’s peace agreements in remote tribal areas have resulted in al-Qaeda’s resurgence. Dell Dailey, the state department counter-terrorism co-ordinator, explained al-Qaeda’s reconstitution of its pre-9/11 operational capabilities including, but not limited to the creation of terrorist theme parks.
“This [ceasefire] appears to have provided the al-Qaeda leadership greater mobility and ability to conduct training and operational planning,” said Dailey.
Naturally this prompted a shift in US strategy. The U.S. will now more fervently back another set of peace agreements with the tribes harboring al-Qaeda.
“So, why is this agreement different from every other agreement” Mr. Dailey rhetorically asked at Passover on Sunday April 20th. “We think that all the tools are in place for this treaty to have a successful outcome,” said Mr Dailey.
White House spokesperson, Dana Perino expressed concern over repeating past mistakes. “We have been concerned about these types of approaches because we don’t think they work” said Perino.
“Fortunately for us, the Bush administration has come out openly in support of a possible peace deal between Pakistan and tribal militants” said Dr. al-Zawahiri. “I thought they’d follow us to the end of the earth, but they gave us a free zone to grow in. Moreover, this land was a steal. Eisner eat your heart out. No, really, I hope he dies.”
Hi. I am a long time reader. I wanted to say that I like your blog and the layout.
Peter Quinn
Mr. Quinn,
I am pleased to hear that you have been reading for a long time. I only began recently, which is why I write the way I do. I will pass your praises on to Dr. Bygott, and Professor Fox, the men behind the magic here at Receiving Me? I will tell them that you liked my article, and only my article. I will tell them to stop publishing anyone else and then I will chortle into my brandy snifter.
-Pates Baroni
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