Football! Wrong Season!

Baseball! Not Yet!

Hockey! Who Cares!

Basketball! Just Right!

The madness of March descends upon us once again, like vipers from planes or the careers of overcharged politicians. (Jersey girls: 5 drinks on the shore or 3 grand in the city) And yet, we are still excited, nay entranced by the yearly spectacle of basketball mediocrity wrought by early departures to the NBA and the continuing inability of our youngsters to hit free throws. With both of last year’s championship game participants not making the tourney (Oregon gives a hearty thanks to you both!) we are left with the possibility of new blood taking the crown. But probably not. Probably UNC or UCLA and their combined 73 championships will win. Why, you ask? Cause they hate Jesus, that’s why. No, seriously, why? Fine, it’s because they cheat. That’s right, they cheat with their stockpiling of all the good players. And because they hate Jesus.

Trust us on this, we won our office pool by 60 points last year.

Course, we didn’t actually win any money because we, in our infinite wisdom, declined to actually participate in the pool, saying, when solicited to enter, something like, “No, thanks, what’s the use? Some girl who wouldn’t know a basketball from a fluffy kitten always wins these things.”

It stung a little when 3 weeks later, having picked the final four and championship game correctly, we noticed that the leader was well off our hypothetical pace. So hahaha on us, right? Wrong, screw you guys, there’s nothing funny about losing 400 bucks just because we’re too cynical to play in the office pool. We could have used that damn money; we had an expensive girlfriend at the time!

Anyway, on to the picks:

Final 4: Xavier, Texas, North Carolina, Georgetown

Championship: UNC over Xavier

You’ll just have to figure the rest out yourself, we don’t want any of you sneaky bastards cribbing off us and costing us another 400 bucks this year.