"WE FILL YOU WITH FILLING"

Issue# (we haven't really been counting)

Government Priorities Revealed

Jul 16th, 2008 | By Leslie Fox | Category: Political Pinions

Red TapeCareful examination of government spending records and budgets has revealed a radical priority shift at both the state and federal levels. “Old” government programs aimed at highway maintenance, effective public schooling, industrial safety regulation, and major crimes investigation have been largely curtailed in favor of a new, radically more ass-painy, initiative.

It’s a move that some are calling groundbreaking and all are calling ball-breaking. The already massive County Dept. of Jerking Me Around (CDJMA) has received vast new powers and a corresponding increase in funding. This is combined with an unprecedented increase in federal spending in the Office of Smashing Any Chance of Just Letting Me Be (OSACJL) particularly the Ripping the Fun Out of Life in an Ever Growing Web of Red Tape and Bullshit Task Force (RFOLEGWRTBS). To some these increases, coming at the expense of the dept. of health and the dept. of education, were controversial. Others have complained that what little resources remain have been funneled to the Central Borough for the Formation and Creation of Enormously Cumbersome and Unintelligible and Unusable Acronyms (CBFCECUUA). But most are too exhausted or complacent to do anything but despondently shrug their shoulders at a government that is mostly interested in the invasion of other countries and vastly disproportionate responses to the largely arbitrary offensives of its citizens.

No representative of the aforementioned government offices could be reached for comment before press time. Their voicemail boxes were full and we were given the following instruction, that we call back on a prime numbered day occurring during an eclipse of Jupiter between the hours of 1:30 and 2:15 am Greenwich Mean Time. Following these instruction we reached an intern who, while very friendly, was unable to either answer questions or take a message.

We were able to speak to a Huntington County Police officer on condition of anonymity. We asked if the new policies had any effect on his job. “Well, this has always been a pretty quiet area. Every once and a while we’d bust up a meth-lab, but most of the time I’d just check in on senior citizens to make sure they were doing okay, or go around making sure kids didn’t get into too much trouble. Has that changed at all? Well, now I mostly park the cruiser under a shaded tree near an intersection and wait for people to roll stop signs. Five more years and I get my pension. I’m going to sell t-shirts down at the shore.”

We also managed to speak to a meter checker for the PPA, who when asked the same question said, “Listen pal, I already started the ticket.”

Receiving Me? will of course have more on this story as details emerge.

Tags: , ,
Share and Enjoy:
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google
  • De.lirio.us
  • Fark
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • BarraPunto
  • eKudos
  • E-mail this story to a friend!
  • Faves
  • LinkedIn
  • MyShare
  • MySpace
  • Propeller
  • Reddit
  • Slashdot
  • Sphinn
  • Wikio
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • Furl
  • Linkter

About The Author: Leslie Fox

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee, The greenest state in the land of the free, Raised in the woods so's he knew ev'ry tree, Kilt him a b'ar when he was only three, Leslie, Leslie Fox king of the wild frontier.

15 comments
Leave a comment »

  1. Sorry about the ticket man!

  2. “Following these instruction we reached an intern who, while very friendly, was unable to either answer questions or take a message.”

    That really sucks. So much for public service and improvement.

  3. Houses are quite expensive and not every person can buy it. Nevertheless, personal loans are created to aid people in such kind of cases.

  4. Not every thing will be got in touch with this topic, moreover, people however can buy research papers or buy essay.

  5. The term papers accomplishing can be very not easy, nevertheless such professionals as you’re are able to write the analysis essay effortless and fast. Thank you very much for that!

  6. Nobody is getting great maks if don’t submit premium quality essay papers. In fact guys who buy essay papers at the essay writing service reach their aim.

  7. Businessmen should opt for blog commenting service and backlinks submission firms , which use proper keywords just for link building. Naturally, professionals can aid with traffic increasing!

  8. Remarkable freelance writing as I relish time for your website or blog after. May very well added doing it to get life reference point. Thanks!

  9. louis vuitton outlet

    ,welcome to buy urban louis vuitton on our online shop.discount price is our special offer, durability and high quality is our promise.
    louis vuitton bags

    are graceful in shapes and delicate in details. New arrivals are supplied on Louis Vuitton Outlet. New colors and styles make you a new lady in this summer.
    http://www.louisvuittonoutletbagsu.com

  10. I got to know it from my elder sister who owns enviable luxury Coach bags.
    coach outlet online

    Store is established to be your home shopping paradise.Today, following half a century, mentor leather-bases
    coach factory outlet

    continues to be the delicate craft of leather-based master is accountable for,
    http://www.coachoutletonlineusacoach.com

  11. Bags of many different models, materials and colors at the louis vuitton sale outlet can be significant along with ample, nevertheless quite trendy, fantastic requirement.If you buy bags and purses of the latest new designs from the louis vuitton outlet now, you can enjoy special discounts. What else are you waiting for?
    http://www.louisvuittonoutletsaletime.com

  12. If you do not know design can be the most fashionable this fall, consider a glance on coach factory outlet! This summer, you have a wide range of options, because there are numerous designs, you can find from.Would you like to meet more friends, or go with the times? If yes, coach factory online is opening welcome doors to you.
    http://www.coachfactoryoutletlove.com

  13. Do not miss the opportunity to get the Coach Outlet Coupons.Coach Outlet Store spends more efforts on building their own brand. coach outlet store online with fashion style and top quality succeed. In any occasions they are very suitable and appropriate for its precise and rich design.

  14. Attention! coach outlet is offering new products at favorable prices for August. Brighter colors, finer looks and newer designs, all bring you a whole new summer. The Coach bag is from the latest release of Coach Bags. Its crisp, scribble material, leather handle, perfectly complements the relaxed shape of this stylish pouch. All the items of Coach Outlet Online Store fit all of your essentials and more.

  15. high quality handbags sale

Leave Comment

Roger Saillant