GREEN BAY, Wis - Brett Favre has been officially re-instated as an eligible player in the NFL and returned to the Packers active roster; according to head coach, Mike McCarthy, not a minute too soon! Echoing the sentiments of many armchair coaches across American living rooms, McCarthy was initially skeptical about Favre’s ability to continue playing football at a high level given what he termed “Favre’s ancientness” (in fact, McCarthy originally supported the Packers decision to offer the future hall of fame quarterback millions of dollars to stay retired), but then something wonderful changed his mind.

“I was online researching various methods of masking anabolic steroid use when I cam across an article on www.oldguysrule.com entitled Old-Man-Strength,” said McCarthy during a two-day break in training camp from his vacation home somewhere far away from Wisconsin. “The article explained that a man’s ability to kick ass and take names actually increases exponentially at around forty years of age. Now, according to this carefully researched study, old-man-strength continues to increase at an accelerated rate until a man’s jowl line sags beneath his Adam’s apple and then it just disappears.” For McCarthy, this was enough information to act on, and act on quickly, “I immediately called Favre and asked him to email me some snapshots of himself.” McCarthy was utterly amazed by what he saw when he opened Favre’s email the next day, “Let’s just say the man is a serious piece of pretty… oh yeah… and his jowl’s telling me he’s good for twenty, maybe thirty more years in this league!”

Some members of the Packers organization, however, are less enchanted with Favre’s neck fat (or lack there of). Packers team president, Mark Murphy, is perhaps the most outspoken of the group, “I read the same article as Mike and, at first, it gave me a lot of hope, but then I consulted a physician who informed me that being old only strengthens guys in movies. I thought about how Favre was in There’s Something About Mary, but it was only a supporting role, not enough exposure for the movie factor to really kick in.”

Murphy may have a point. Many of the men sited as examples of “old-men-strength in action” in the Old-Man-Strength article are big name stars in Hollywood blockbusters, not bit players in romantic comedies. For instance, the article explores body counts in movies: “There is just one death in Rambo: First Blood (1982), but two-hundred-and-thirty-six deaths in Rambo (2008); Sylvester Stallone has old-man-strength! The older he gets, he’s able to kill more and more and be surrounded by more and more death. Just wait ’till he hits 70,” writes columnist Dent Ures. “Similarly,” Ures adds, “there are five deaths in Blade Runner (1982), but sixty-two deaths in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of The Crystal Skull (2008); Harrison Ford’s got old-man-strength! He’s no Stallone, but he’s got it! Watch out for his body count in 2009! His stock is rising, it’s going up, up, up!”

Mark Murphy puts it bluntly, “The only thing that dies during There’s Something About Mary is a little bit of your soul.”

So, what does Favre have to say about all this ageist theorizing and speculation? Not much. Unfortunately he’s recovering from some sort of emergency plastic surgery at the moment and not granting interviews… god only knows what that’s all about! In addition, the Packers have him scheduled to go through a battery of tests to check his prostate, hearing, and bladder… oh yeah, he’s also playing football.

‘Till next time… I’m not old; I’m just strong!