"WE FILL YOU WITH FILLING"

Issue# (we haven't really been counting)

All entries by this author

Receiving Me? Strike

Dec 19th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: News

Philadelphia, PA - It has been a grueling 24 days since Leslie Fox and Pates Baroni last wrote articles for Receiving Me?, the faux online magazine. This has dealt a serious blow to circulation, as the magazine’s readership is limited to Mrs. Fox and Mrs. Baroni. Management has done well to maintain new articles with the contributions of Bernard Bygott … [continue]



Robot-Human Theater

Nov 26th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: News

Osaka, Japan - While television and film have long held opportunities for robot advancement in the arts, live theater systematically shunned the programmed players. Today, what seemed a glass ceiling for some robots, and outright bigotry for others, has been shattered with a groundbreaking performance. Osaka University has become home to one of Japan’s first robot-human theatrical productions. The … [continue]



The Bad Idea Bin

Nov 20th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: Unhealthy Living

Of those that happen upon Receiving Me?, there are a select few who read the content. Those who read the content give way to an even slimmer masochistic minority who revisit our foe magazine. This piece is for the edification of that slim readership.

Revisiting our beloved site, in search of good material you did not … [continue]



Eagles V. Bengals; Tie Game

Nov 17th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: Athletic Support

Cincinnati, OH. After fumbling and throwing three interceptions, Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb has brought a long overdue tie home to Philadelphia. The NFL itself has not seen a tied game in six years. Surprisingly, McNabb did not seem elated.

“I’ve never been part of a tie” said McNabb with … [continue]



The Unwashed Chicken

Nov 15th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: Unhealthy Living

The CDC used to advise washing chicken before cooking it. They have reversed their opinion.

Campylobacter and salmonella are both at greater risk of transfer if you wash your chicken prior to cooking it. Why is this? Cross contamination is much more likely if you take a raw chicken and run water over it. This … [continue]



Napoleonic Blog Siege

Nov 10th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: News

In a terrifying effort, Pates Baroni has begun a campaign to rid Receiving Me? of content worth reading. Bolstered by insomnia and low self-esteem, Pates’ scourge has pushed great articles by real writers from their place of prominence. Now when looking for those articles I never read by that guy who I don’t hang out with much, … [continue]



Depression Study

Nov 9th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: News

Wichita, Kansas. A new study has found that depression is a waste of time. Students at Wichita State University are compiling a list of millions of activities more fulfilling than those most commonly associated with depression, namely sleeping, overeating and suicidal thoughts. 

You may be surprised to hear that blogging is on the list, as … [continue]



Friend’s Face Saves Man from Punch

Nov 9th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: Unhealthy Living

Philadelphia, PA. In an overcrowded bar, famous for it’s inordinate wait time to get a drink, Leslie Fox bravely took a punch meant for me. Mr. Fox had not intended to bravely take the punch, but take it he did, bravely.

The night had begun innocuously enough, a pre-game drink at my apartment, a story … [continue]



Bradley Effect Broken

Nov 5th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: Political Pinions

Dubuque, Iowa. Millions of white voters have been disenfranchised due to a faulty “Bradley Effect.” All across America, the cries of injustice can be heard. Here in a small diner famous for it’s lemon meringue pie, I spoke to Dubuque’s shocked residents.

Henry Smith worked at the local aluminum extruding plant until it’s doors … [continue]



Review: El Vez

Nov 5th, 2008 | By Pates Baroni | Category: Unhealthy Living

Though I love food, I am not one to frequent many restaurants. When I do, they tend to be large chains that specialize in salad entrees topped with fried bits of chicken and candied cranberries, or nacho dip cleverly renamed “South of the Border Three Cheese Soup.” That is not to say I’ve never enjoyed extraordinary food. … [continue]