I am doomed. Trapped in the “making a comeback” genre. I’ve boxed myself in with lack of material and inattentiveness to the needs of the website. Now, rather than going for international appeal with a riveting analysis of the economic meltdown or staying close to home with a local piece about the mother daughter prostitution ring in … [continue]
The message in this film is anything but Christian, so this can be fun for the whole family. The fork’s passivity in the face of life and his indifference to the quality of his own actions, up to and including murder via conductivity, are the inevitable culmination of Existential philosophy. For if it’s true that nothing matters, why … [continue]
This morning I awoke to fluffy white clouds dotting an otherwise pristine blue sky. Thinking of all the day had to offer, I turned over and promptly fell back to sleep. An hour or so later I awoke and begrudgingly shed my cocoon.
My refrigerator, normally stocked to capacity with fresh fruits and veggies, was barren. I knew … [continue]
Amidst the heat of any campaign, unpleasant rumors will circulate. Sometimes the gossip is founded in truth, but often the claims are spurious. This is the nature of battle for public office. It takes thick skin and perseverance to run the gauntlet of public scrutiny. We have all had our moments in the spotlight, gunning for some position of power. … [continue]
“Darkness is a godsend” I scratched into the wall of my 8 by 10 cell. One less sense I had to blot out to feel human. I could only hope it would help the next victim of that place on his or her decent into the hell that is Guantanamo Bay Detention Center. This morning the flourescent lights flickered on … [continue]
Islamabad, Pakistan (May 2) In an attempt to rekindle interest in destroying the U.S., Dr. Ayman al-Zawahiri unveiled plans today for Martyr Kingdom, the largest theme park ever constructed by a single terrorist network. Al-Qaeda is also in negotiations for the rights to the Hammas children’s puppet show series called the Exceptionals.
“The terms of the negotiation keep changing … [continue]
Uruzgan, Afghanistan (May 1) Al-Qaeda released a video today stating that terrorist recruitment has been hard hit by record low prices at U.S. malls. In the video Ayman al-Zawahiri says that less people want to destroy America now that the weak U.S. dollar has made brand name clothing available at bargain basement prices.
[continue]
PHILADELPHIA, PA (April 29) - A civil suit against Democratic senator Barack Obama was filed today in a Philadelphia county court on behalf of the United States Aids Creation Guild (USACG). This comes in response to Mr. Obama’s “outrage and appall” at his former pastor’s words during a recent NAACP dinner in Detroit. As keynote speaker, Rev. Jeremiah Wright … [continue]
A while back I wrote a rather long piece focusing on the ills of our society and my mediocre-minded methods to change them. These were paired down into three separate articles, two of which were posted. The third remained locked in a dank cellar subsisting on the literary refuse of other writers. That is until today when, under duress, the … [continue]
I always thought that panic attacks were for highly medicated socialite housewives in need of medical jargon to explain the 3am dish breaking cacophony to snoopy neighbors after pulling a size two garter-belt from the dryer. But I was wrong. I too am among the unfounded fearful. Panic grips me every time I fly. With white knuckles … [continue]
