I can’t seem to grow up. There is some radical, rogue chemical in my thick skull that leads me to make decisions that ensure I maintain the maturity level of a kindergartener. I love this chemical. I hate this chemical. Everyone around me is getting married, launching careers, making plans, discussing serious issues that get printed on the front page … [continue]

There was a time when Receiving Me?, the greatest online faux mag since www.insertanythinghere.com, boasted a robust staff of nine (although, only four writers were willing to use their real names for fear that, as one anonymous contributor put it, “Someone might read this.”) Those were the golden days, when words were plentiful and, on occasion, were combined in such … [continue]

Dear Mom,

I really wanted to make it home for Easter, or at the very least, I really wanted to have some very good reasons for not making it home. It appears, thus far, I have failed on both fronts. However, if there is one thing I have learned as a thirty-year-old deadbeat, it’s that it’s never too late … [continue]

Disclaimer: The following is provided for educational purposes only and in no way condones stealing movies from the rightful millionaires who deserve your money!!! Seriously, if you like a film… try paying for it!!!

So, technologically unsophisticated one, you have recently discovered that there are ways to borrow movies using a little invention called “the internet”. However, you are … [continue]

The following is what I am dubbing a “Read & Play” piece of fiction. I have no idea who else is doing this on the internet, but I certainly am taking credit for not getting the idea from that person! Anyway, if you like the idea, let me know, and, next time, I might even spend some time on the writing!

How to Navigate a “Read & Play”:

Step 1: Press “Play” … [continue]

It’s been some time since I wrote a good old-fashioned blog entry where I make fun of myself for your reading pleasure. Oh well… this one is serious.

I need a job, like, yesterday… preferably in NYC. You see, I decided to move back to the big city because my life as an amateur blogger who nobody reads wasn’t … [continue]

I just don’t know what to make of this behavior. You say you want to do better, that you love your mother but then this… outrage. Palestine, how many times have I told you not to get Israel riled up by shooting her with rockets, you know how sensitive she is. And Israel, I politely asked you to … [continue]

For most of RM?’s existence, “We fill you with filling” has been the magablog’s one and only tagline, but due to what some have called the “schizophrenic nature of the magazine,” staff members have decided that one tag is simply not enough. Writer, Pates Baroni, currently on extended leave, summed up the sentiment: “More would be betterer.” How true. Here is a list of discussed slogans that I didn’t just make up.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE… [continue]

There has to be more than this. I’m certain that I saw in some movie somewhere that life is much more exciting. Where’s the part where I discover the lost arc of the covenant, or pose as a psychic while solving murders with superpowers of observation, or find a breathtakingly beautiful woman that appreciates all my genuinely deplorable quirks? (Okay, the second one was from TV, but you get my point.)… [continue]

(If perchance you missed the title… this article is the continuation of something critics recently dubbed “brilliant”– a quote that may or may not have been prompted by National Speak Like A Guinness Ad Day.)

Shirt Guy was a character straight out of one of those R-rated teenage comedy films. There was an air of implausibility to every one … [continue]