Athletic Support would like to take a break from misinforming you about basketball and baseball and talk to you for a moment about an ongoing crisis in this country. Athletic Support hates two things, intolerance of others and Scientology. And even though we have always felt this way, we feel those crazy “alien souls trapped in a volcano” believing … [continue]
8 am, April 8: Early morning sunlight floods my apartment, a large kegerater forages in the shadows and in the distance one can hear the mating call of a junk mail herd. In the midst of all this natural glory is a steaming heap of plastic bags. Apparently these common plastic bags, plastico ubiquitos, are not just an eyesore. … [continue]
It is April 7th and I am fat. Why should this concern you? Let’s not be coy tubby, you are too. That jelly belly isn’t full of giggles, it’s full of shame and Ben and Jerry’s. But let’s not stop there. Where’s Surinam? Don’t know, do you? There’s no shame in that; nobody knows where Surinam is except … [continue]
When traveling abroad I often encountered large groups of friendly new faces willing to share a pint, but the clock was counting down to insult and injury. No more than 20 minutes into our conversation I would be confronted with questions like, “So, you’re American… do you know where France is? Wait… how about Texas? Or Washington DC?” It was … [continue]
Do you think George Clooney might be on to something? Are you hiding 40 lbs of body fat behind a convertible? Are you living in a crappy studio apartment that you can’t move out of because you are worried that your social security checks won’t find you? Maybe you have a bum hip, half a dozen root canals, and … [continue]
According to a recent poll conducted by Receiving Me? 94% of parking ticket recipients feel that the Philadelphia Parking Authority not only sucks, but can suck it. The remaining 6% are laughing South African diplomats. This is the highest disapproval rating for the parking authority since polling on the topic began. When asked how the Parking Authority might improve 44% … [continue]
Borges sa che ogni uomo ha il suo doppio, il suo clone, la sua visione speculare e antitetica. Ogni uomo lo sa e teme questo e cerca di evitare se stesso per tutta la vita. Ma esiste un posto, unico al mondo dove gli opposti convergono, dove le rette parallele inevitabilmente si congiungono, dove Euclide viene sconfitto. Questo posto, questa … [continue]
Receiving Me? held a staff meeting April 4, 2008. For those keeping track at home, that’s three fake staff meetings, one real staff meeting. However, similar to most of the fake meetings, this meeting was poorly attended: only founders Bernard Bygott and Leslie Fox showed up, and given his small brain size and penchant for lengthy staring competitions … [continue]
I have a very old cell phone. Some cell phones take pictures, access the interweb, use GPS technology, cure cancer, and have strange and amazing names like “MontaVista Mobilinux 5.0″, or “RIM BlackBerry Pearl Cellular 1.3″, or “I’m Richer Than You 3.3″, but my cell phone has a mirror. It’s a small round mirror about the size of … [continue]
At 7:30 am, in a quiet abandoned parking-lot somewhere in rural West Virginia, Bob Woodward, made famous by his coverage of the Bob Woodward kidnapping, was released to the wild. He stepped hesitantly from the keeper’s van and was for a moment blinded and paralized by the early morning light. Bob was last seen rapidly receding in the rear view … [continue]
