In a final last bid for recognition or at the very least some slight sense of connection with the greater world at large, that guy, (whathisface, you know the guy, he looks like Mark Hammil before the car accident but kind of fat? I think his name starts with a B or G, a consonant anyway. C’mon you gotta know … [continue]

John McCain, the Maverick Republican Senator from Arizona, has disappeared from the public eye. The rumors as to his activities have been wildly divergent. Some claim that McCain is working as a short order chef in Gary, IN; others swear that he has become a lady-boy pleasure slave in a Laotian karaoke bar; strangest of all are the claims … [continue]

HOWARD DEKAKE

Howard Dekake had barely slept in three days, not since that night. He had tried going to bed as usual, but sleep itself was impossible. His mind kept turning over and under what he had heard, trying without success to make it mean something else, something innocuous. He tried telling himself that it was just some boozy babbling … [continue]

FAN MAIL FROM A MR. DAVID LOAR
-if, in fact, that is his real name-

Dear Mr. Bygott, if that is your real name,

I just finished reading your alleged “magazine” and can only say that I hated it more than life itself. “Funniness” is not what we need in a time of terrorist insanity, military-industrial psycho complexes, braindead murderous despot war … [continue]

Sometimes it’s difficult running a magazine with a world-wide circulation of… some extremely large number. But when Tom Petty asks for a favor, even the busiest of folk drop what they’re doing, so we did too. Turns out that Petty was never all that pleased with the video he made for his super-hit, Mary Jane’s Last Dance. You know, … [continue]

Readers of Receiving Me? are by and large the sort of people who take in more than their fair share of media. After all, if you weren’t diddling around the Internet you wouldn’t be here. So I have no doubt that all of you have heard of the new Kevin Costner movie being released shortly. For the rest of you … [continue]

There is absolutely no reason I should have to exert so much energy in order to communicate. Half the time I just stop talking in the middle of sentences, because my will to express a particular idea is weaker than my desire to preserve energy and maintain suitable lassitude levels. There is just no way that anything I … [continue]

After Receiving Me? and The Washington Post broke the story that Sylvester Stallone is running for the presidency, Sly sat down with Chris Wallace of Fox News Sunday to be treated fairly. The following three-part clip is a Receiving Me? exclusive, straight from the Fox vaults and unedited by anyone… we promise.

Gregory woke. For a long moment he lay in bed with his eyes closed, wallowing in misery. His head throbbed, his eyelids seemed to be glued shut, and his mouth tasted of smoked animal waste. It was more than a hangover, it was the full fruition of biological and karmic payback for every bit of fun Gregory had ever had. … [continue]

SOUTH PORTLAND, MAINE - Somewhat calling into question the conventional wisdom of the 2008 campaign, it was discovered Monday that Arizona Senator John Sidney McCain III, 71, is also running for president.

The disquieting news was unearthed as legions of reporters covering the overseas fact-finding trip of Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill, found e-mails on their Blackberries containing a press … [continue]