The Phillies and Raul Ibanez agreed to a 3-year, $30 million contract on Saturday. New Phils GM, Rueben Amaro Jr., described the pickup succinctly: “Raul will play left field and be old.”

This move means that Pat Burrell is officially less likely to sleep with your girlfriend in South Philly next year. Guys attached to hot girls in American … [continue]

North Pole, Arctic Ocean - With the overwhelming success of cinematic masterwork, Four Christmases, executives at Time Warner Inc. have decided to greenlight (cheesy pun intended) three sequels: Five Christmases, Six Christmases, and Seven Kwanzaas. Vince Vaughn, currently busy “getting laid after a long dry spell,” is reported to be on board for the three films as long as a “hot blond is also involved.” Apparently last year’s Christmas film, Fred Claus, taught Vaughn that very important lesson… [continue]

Before working in a cubicle this week, I had never even stepped inside one of these blissfully gray dead zones, but now that I have, I will never look at boring office work the same way again! These things are great!

If you thought you were dispassionate at the office before working in a cubicle, then you are living … [continue]