People of Philadelphia, now is our time for mourning. Bring forth ash that we may taste the cinder of our hopes and dreams, uncoil the lash that we might dull our existential anguish with floggings, and weep until your eyes, reddened and burning, run dry. Yes, weep; for the oceans of our discontent cannot be contained by mere … [continue]
There should be clever text here that will entice you to listen to RM?’s first podcast which covers the Oscars in a breathtakingly brilliant manner. However, it is currently four o’clock in the morning and attempting such writing is dangerous at best.
Here is the first part in a two part series on the Oscars. (There will also be … [continue]
Gentlemen, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. We just got our derrieres punted good, and it looks like the old pay back leg is winding up for another round. We don’t do something soon, we’re all gonna be standing around too sore to sit.
We all know what happened over the last eight years… The damned … [continue]
I just don’t know what to make of this behavior. You say you want to do better, that you love your mother but then this… outrage. Palestine, how many times have I told you not to get Israel riled up by shooting her with rockets, you know how sensitive she is. And Israel, I politely asked you to … [continue]
President Barack Obama made some very large promises during his first speech to a joint session of Congress. For those viewers worried that overhauling healthcare, reversing the economy, saving education, fixing the auto industry, reestablishing the integrity of banks and customer access to loans, and ending two wars (while increasing troops and paying everyone involved a lot more) wasn’t enough, … [continue]
The Indianapolis Colts are poised to release their franchise’s all-time leading receiver, Marvin Harrison. Harrison, who trails only Jerry Rice (yes, that Jerry Rice of Dancing with the Stars fame) for most receptions in the NFL, is reportedly making strange noises that sound something like, “I would like to go to Philly and be reunited with my old buddy from … [continue]
Many people noticed that the 81st Oscars were a consciously toned down affair, a decision that was made, no doubt, in an attempt to make movie stars seem more like the largely unemployed public watching at home. However, one viewer, Gull E. Bull, a private detective from a place you definitely think is stupid, actually placed a call to 911 to … [continue]
The Academy Awards are just around the corner and, thus far, destined to continue a long tradition of awarding obvious, over-bloated sentimentality. But RM? has submitted a proposal to the Academy which, if implemented, will surely change the course of history and maybe even save the reputation of the weepy-eyed conglomerate. RM? advises… triumph by head size. Supporters of the … [continue]
For most of RM?’s existence, “We fill you with filling” has been the magablog’s one and only tagline, but due to what some have called the “schizophrenic nature of the magazine,” staff members have decided that one tag is simply not enough. Writer, Pates Baroni, currently on extended leave, summed up the sentiment: “More would be betterer.” How true. Here is a list of discussed slogans that I didn’t just make up.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE… [continue]
Sir John Gielgud’s first hip-hop album, The Bard’s Got Flow, has literally taken over the internet. According to someone lying, computer scientists across the globe are making contingency plans “should the net prove incapable of harnessing such awesomeness.” Perhaps it is fitting for the internet to be taken out by a blog no one reads, or maybe that makes no … [continue]
