Washington, DC - President Harry Truman was the first US president to pardon a Thanksgiving turkey. Both scrupulous and unscrupulous turkeys alike have been pardoned ever since… until now. With President Bush’s approval rating dipping bellow the approval rating of “Pumpkin” (this year’s turkey chosen for pardon), officials in the White House have decided to modify the tradition and have the turkey pardon Bush. Bush’s harshest critics (i.e. everyone) are up in arms over what they describe as a sinister PR move that aims to capitalize on human inability to discern Pumpkin’s true opinion of the controversial president… [continue]

Islamabad, Pakistan (May 2) In an attempt to rekindle interest in destroying the U.S., Dr. Ayman al-Zawahiri unveiled plans today for Martyr Kingdom, the largest theme park ever constructed by a single terrorist network. Al-Qaeda is also in negotiations for the rights to the Hammas children’s puppet show series called the Exceptionals.

“The terms of the negotiation keep changing … [continue]